First off, I have to admit that the idea for this blog came from my good friend, Elizabeth Park. We were having coffee the other day while the kids were at school, and as usual, our discussion centered on the munchkins. Elizabeth said that she feels like raising kids is akin to being the manager of a rock star. Brilliant, isn’t it? And it’s not just smart and insightful; it’s really quite true.
Think about it: we have all heard about the various demands made by rock stars when they go on tour. Van Halen demanded a bowl of M&Ms, and they wanted all the brown ones removed. Cher insisted on having a room for her wigs backstage – JUST her wigs – and the room had to have a table and three chairs. You know, just in case her wigs had company pop over. Busta Rhymes doesn’t ask for much: a supply of Moet et Chandon champagne, a bucket of KFC, and condoms. If those three things don’t make for a successful show, I don’t know what will.
The stars’ demands seem ridiculous, but when I think about the things I do for my kids, I’m the one who is crazy. For example, Lottie loves bread and butter for a snack, but don’t you dare butter her toast. Toast is simply coated with jelly, and don’t you forget it. Dallas doesn’t like butter on anything. I can’t blame him for that, though; vegan butter isn’t exactly a taste sensation. Dallas also doesn’t like when there are bubbles in his rice milk. I have to pour it with a sufficient amount of time to let the bubbles settle before I present it to his nibs. Both kids insist on sleeping with lights on in their rooms. I have no problem accommodating that need, but I do sneak in every night and dim the lamps a little lower. I don’t know how they can sleep with bright lights shining in their faces!
Lottie likes to wear dresses every day: one cannot twirl and flounce in jeans. If her favorite dresses are not clean on the exact days she wants to wear them, the show will decidedly not go on. Dallas is the same way about his shoes. If the shoes don’t light up, that kid just isn’t going to wear them. My mini Cher and Eddie Van Halen can be demanding about school drop-off and pick-up as well. Lottie is always dropped off first; any change to the routine is met with raised eyebrows and looks of disbelief. If I, Heaven forbid, forget to bring a drink and icing cookie to pick-up, Dallas is apt to throw a tantrum worthy of Kanye West or Bjork. Is it stress? The need for attention? Or does their rock star lifestyle simply call for fits of pique?
Like any good manager, I do what I can to keep my clients satisfied and willing to continue with the tour, i.e. a calm and stress-free day. Sometimes it’s slightly debasing (singing “The Wheels on the Bus” in the middle of Kroger) or totally hilarious (throwing an impromptu dance party on a rainy day), but one thing is for sure: life with my rock stars is never, ever boring.
K. C. Wells is a stay-at-home mom to two kids in Lexington, KY. In her spare (!) time, she loves to read, travel, rearrange rooms, and laugh. You can read more from K. C. at http://realhousewifeofthebluegrass.blogspot.com
Thanks to K.C. Wells for her awesome guest post and helping this week!
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