Although it makes for great blogging material during a dry spell.
In my e-mail newsletter was an article titled "Would you forgive your cheating husband?" and in an instant I already had the answer to that question... NO!
I know there are so many different people with different opinions out there, and everyone may not feel the same way as I do about the subject of cheating... and that is ok! That is what makes us different!
But for me cheating is one of those make or break type things. It is a deal breaker for me. If my husband was to ever cheat on me, that would be it. Job or no job, money or no money, home or no home... I would be leaving with all of the children while I never look back. Pretty cut and dry.
While the idea of my marriage ever ending scares the crap out of me today, I can tell you from past experiences, even relationships in the past before I met and married my wonderful husband... cheating has always been and always will be an instant end of the road.
I can understand the other side of things though. There are a lot of women out there who would not end their marriage. They take children, reasoning, situations, and all that jazz into consideration when weighing their choice of staying or leaving a spouse who has strayed. And that is fine. Every person, and couple have a way they want to handle certain situations.
For me, I would leave for a number of reasons:
- Trust - I would never be able to know they would not do it again... or even be able to trust where they were when they were not at home, or by my side.
- Disease - Another serious one, especially for us women. What would happen if he brought something home?
- Self Esteem - If someone who I love and shared a life with didn't value me enough... I could find someone else where who does. Heck I could be better off alone too!
Another marriage deal breaker for me... which was a past relationship deal breaker is violence or abuse. Whether it be verbal or physical, it is never tolerated or acceptable.
We as women need to place large value on ourselves, and never think it is acceptable for a man, or anyone to talk down to us. This is 2011, not 1931. In most cases we have the upper hand! USE IT!
Talk about it ladies... what would you do?
What have you done in this situation?
SUCH a tough question. To me, cheaters lack respect for their spouses, plain and simple. (There are many other issues involved but each when it boils down to it comes back to a lack of respect.) Once that's gone, its very hard to regain, regardless as to whether there was any reason for losing it in the first place. Cheating points to much larger problems, and if the cheater's already cheated they may be past the point that's worthy of repair.
ReplyDeleteit's a deal breaker for me too. the trust just can never be rebuilt.
ReplyDeleteno, cheating is a deal breaker. i'd never feel comfortable in that relationship again.
ReplyDeleteDeal breaker. Absolutely. No looking back. For all the reasons you mentioned.
ReplyDeleteMy first serious boyfriend cheated on me continuously and I took him back every time -- even AFTER he gave a communicable disease. After two-plus years of self-esteem battering, I finally had an epiphany: I DESERVE BETTER. And that was that.
And it always will be that.
I hope I never have to put it to the test.
Hmmm... my answer 10 years ago and my answer now would be different. 10 years ago, I would have straight away said it's a deal-breaker. Now? Not so black over white. Of course each person's reaction would be different depending on the circumstances, how that person's brought up, what kind of culture that person's coming from, etc.
ReplyDeleteHaving said that, this would always be a question with many answers ;)
Cheating is the reason of my divorce. I deserve better and so do my kids. I was married 13 years and I haven't looked back. He was "with" the woman he cheated on me with and she dumped him for another guy. Karma.
ReplyDeleteBeen there. And now am divorced. We tried a few things before officially calling it quits (i.e. counseling) but he wasn't into it at all. It was clear as day that he wanted out and I was miserable as well. And although I always thought "hell no, Id be gone right away", when it was in front of my face it wasn't that easy....kids involved......Anyhow, it's a tough hypothetical!
ReplyDeleteThis is a very tough one for me. It would be very very very difficult for me to forgive him and take him back.
ReplyDeleteI feel the same way as you. Personally, I couldn't forgive him or trust him yet I certainly don't frown upon anyone else who chooses to forgive.
ReplyDeleteOnce upon a time I would have said that it was deal breaker. I still say it would be a deal breaker in my marriage.
ReplyDeleteWhen my husband and I were just dating over 10 years ago, he cheated. I left, and something about the world didn't feel right. Maybe that cheesy "you just know" feeling.
It took six years to work through the issues and trust problems, with a mostly un-romantic relationship. Then another two years together before we even considered marriage.
My philosophy now? Everyone Fs up. If you're married you should have already made your mistakes, marriage is too serious to be taken any lighter than forever. And there's a very big difference between lying and making a mistake. Circumstances played a very big role in the situation I just described.